Survival

I was talking to another mom of young children briefly on the phone yesterday, and her first question was "How is your family surviving?" It struck me as quite the interesting question. I'm sure (or relatively sure) all new parents at some point felt as though they were simply "surviving". I know that we're doing much better than surviving -- we're all thriving. It's just hard to always recognize it through a foggy sleep-deprived mind.

I was verty, very optimistic that Julia would not have to be on the bilibed anymore after Monday afternoon. Her coloring looks much better to me. I can tell there is still some yellow to her, but it seems quite minimal to me. I had been telling Julia these happy thoughts since Sunday afternoon. The visiting nurse arrived around 10:00 yesterday morning. We had to allow a few hours before hearing back from the nurse with directions from the doctor. Even the nurse thought Julia would be done with the bed. I thought by 3:00 my daughter would finally be in my arms while she wasn't eating. Kevin finally took the phonecall a little before 5:00. The good news is that the bilirubin levels are down some more, but the bad news is that the doctor wants her to stay in longer to get them to drop some more. When Kevin told me the nurse would come by again on Wednesday, I did cry a bit. That meant at least another 48 hours of watching Julia lie on this bed. She's getting a little more tolerant, but it's still very hard for her. Sometimes sitting with her and stroking her head will calm her down. Sometimes singing does the trick. Other times there's nothing we can do but simply listen to her cry (and try not to cry myself).

My goal for the day was an easy one, I thought. I just wanted to take a nap. That's much easier said than done with a toddler awake and orders from my doctor not to take the stairs in my house more than once a day. I was able to squeeze in a liitle 15 minute cat nap just before lunch when Kevin took Chloe upstairs to work on the computer. My aim was to nap well during Chloe's nap. Of course, Julia took that opportunity to start an inconsolable cry session. So much for that nap. Kevin took Chloe to Bible class with him even though I didn't go. That should have been a nice hour nap, but by the time I pumped there were only 20 minutes left of the hour. I did lie down, but it wasn't restful. Today's goals: get in a good nap at some point and take a shower. Big day!

Chloe is being a real trooper through this all. She had some jealousy issues while Grandma was here. She didn't like Grandma picking Julia up. But since then she's done very well. She likes to be a big helper. She hands us a diaper when it's that time, a Q-tip when it's time to clean the umbilical cord, a pillow for Mommy when I am ready to nurse. She even tries to give her sister a blanket when she goes back on the bed for a nap. She likes giving her new sister kisses and pointing out different parts of her body. She also looks quite worried when Julia is crying. Our little girl is acting so grown up. We just hope Julia doesn't mind being called Sister, as Chloe is yet unable to make the J or L sounds.

I'm very sorry that I'm not attaching pictures to the post. I have been typing this over the span of two pumping sessions in the middle of the night. The camera and cord are both downstairs, and I'm not allowed to go down to get them. Maybe I can add a third goal to the list for the day: Use Kevin's computer in his office to get some pictures uploaded. I make no guarantees -- you heard how yesterday's goal went. For now I am going to end this. Please excuse anything that may not make sense. You are reading the blog of an exhausted woman. If any of it DID make sense, I did a really good job. Well, goodnight all of you peacefully slumbering people!